Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
