soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
