do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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