the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
