So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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