I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
