I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Holy sore nipples Batman
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
