We named our party play list daddy issues
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
