So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
