and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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