i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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