you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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