just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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