Plan B is the new Plan A
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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