FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
