she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize