perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
