The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The struggles of a small town man whore
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
