He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
