Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
