The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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