Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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