Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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