I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
