I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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