I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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