Porn is love you can see.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
