I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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