You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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