I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
