i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
