conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
