Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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