You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
