you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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