I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
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