All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
