dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
