The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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