This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drunk is a universal language darling
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
