I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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