Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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