dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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