We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
