3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
