I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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