i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
