No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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