I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
