you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
