the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
