my vag is so smooth its legendary
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize