Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
