He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
