I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
