Pappa wants mamma naked
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
