From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
