doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize