Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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