I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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