id be glad to
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
