no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
