I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Mom said you looked used
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
