Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
