She's JV to your varsity
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
