His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
