This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
