I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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