Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just invented taco cereal.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
