Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
