Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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