I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
