ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
