Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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