nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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